How To Stay Sober When It Seems Like Your Life Sucks

Over the past 30 years, I’ve helped people move beyond just staying sober—to actually getting excited about recovery and making it a transformational experience. When I hang out with my “normie” friends, and they have a couple of beers, loosen up a bit and then head home without doing anything crazy, out of control or self-destructive. I look at them and there’s a part of me that envies their ability to put down a drink, to enjoy alcohol responsibly without having it take over their lives. It makes me feel like I am just an out-of-control person.

They Are Sober, But Why Are They Jerks?

Or perhaps our life isn’t going the way we planned. We’re stuck in a miserable job and have lost hope that anything can change. I have since learned I am not alone in experiencing this phenomenon. These unanticipated obstacles to wellbeing have the capacity to derail an otherwise smooth sailing recovery.

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And another thing about sobriety…who would want to know what his spouse thinks of him? I mean, now I have to be considerate and show at least a minimum level of compassion to foster a thriving relationship. Alcohol made my marriage so much easier. I just told my wife what to think and when to think it.

You don’t have to figure this out on your own.

The early days of sobriety are challenging. The physical and psychological withdrawals are one thing, but learning how to live as a sober person with problems that can’t be masked in alcohol is quite another. And when I couldn’t seem to get ready in time, or when my purse was a tangle of wadded keys and gum wrappers I felt so bereft. Maybe after the chaos and guilt and broken promises of his drinking years, he didn’t know how — or didn’t have the will — to be a human being, much less a husband. So, your husband buried himself in silence and simplicity and left you to carry the emotional load of making all the sobriety sucks decisions. You got the kids raised and built that nest egg together.

How To Find Sober Friends (When You Don’t Know Where To Start)

So you lost your job and it wasn’t your fault. But complaining about it not being fair, and focusing on the injustice of it all will just make you feel down and make you more likely to fall deeper into the “poor me” trap. Here’s how to stay sober, and sane, when life sucks. My entire world revolved around drinking and unleashing my feelings onto well-intending people, no matter how irrational. The person who drinks herself silly on a Friday night and posts self-deprecating posts on social media, hoping to find validation for the pain she’s in.

Savage Love: Exes and oh no’s

Your problems come rushing to the surface, and you become the person who emotionally unloads on acquaintances or work friends. There’s the real you in there, buried deep, but it’s suffocating under the weight of addiction, problems, and (in my case) untreated mental health problems like depression or anxiety. Sobriety has been one of my life’s most humbling and illuminating experiences. The process, however, isn’t always comfortable. Whatever your goals, it’s the struggle to get there that’s most rewarding. It’s almost as if life itself is inviting us to embrace difficulty—not as punishment but as a design feature.

• Yes I should feel happy I’m “in control” of life and I won’t have health issues.
• It makes me feel like I am just an out-of-control person.
• And one day, you’ll look back and think, “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I was ever like that!
• We’re talking major changes here— in our attitudes, our priorities, and when it comes down to it, our whole outlook on life in general.

Instead, buck up and remember what’s in your control. Find a new, better and more rewarding job. Regardless of the situation, being a victim never kept someone in recovery. I used to get drunk and play games and it was fun. I can’t play games anymore because they are so empty.

Those who have been invested in AA swear these promises are realized. Many newcomers wonder how long-time members can make these claims when sober members are still acting out. Yes, I no longer have the option of using a substance to escape my feelings or problems. But because of that, I have learned to actually DEAL with them instead. But here’s the flip side of that coin – it only sucks when I view it that way.

• Just like that, my ears are more than just sunglasses holders.
• Maybe sobriety reveals that you’ve been a shitty daughter, spouse, or mother, and there’s damage you don’t know how to fix.
• Push through and show up, even on days you don’t want to.
• I don’t believe total abstinence from all drugs is the way forward anymore its driving me insane.

Remember the Cost of Addiction

The point is to find activities to fill the time and help you become a better person. You’ll start to transform your identity into someone who shows up, does the hard work, and looks smoking hot in a swimsuit. Now, not every program or drug addiction treatment therapy approach will work for you. But you don’t know until you try, and you have to genuinely try.